A blog by Johanna

The road ahead

Do you ever just feel like your soul is tired? I felt so bored and uninspired, almost angry at the world because of it but at the same time its almost like you have no one to talk to or don’t want to bother them.

Or you’d sleep often as a way not to feel, cry just because, have no energy and everything was meaningless, no pleasure in life, just breathing itself is difficult, no one understands. Lifeless you’d be lifeless.

I try to take a nap, go out or go to the gym to feel better and then feel worse as it might keep you occupied but your not really in it. I just want to hibernate or turn on the off switch, which I guess I’d automatically done that already.

I’d felt like this for quite a few weeks so I decided to book myself a one way ticket to Australia.

What I really crave is last years adventures in Hawaii but until then I chose Australia to heal myself. In fact I’m doing something shocking as I’m just simply moving to the unknown… as I’ve never been to the gold coast before let alone the east side of Australia, so out of the comfort zone and into the unknown I go-hopefully for the better.

 

I’m standing there my toes squishing into the soft white sand, the deliciously warm sun sinking into my skin, the waves crashing to and throw, rolling onto the shore coming closer to me. My salty elixir. I’ve left the last few weeks of sadness behind me and am relishing my new life, saving my money, going to the beach often in a bikini a day, sun kissed and happy with a healthier feel inside, I no longer feel unhappy or bloated, sick, tired, slow, worthless, negative, dizzy.

Depression isn’t something you choose or that you can turn off and sometimes you have days that are worse than others. No matter how much someone says for you to get better… just saying that doesn’t do anything.

Depression is different for everyone. Towards the end I was just getting dizzy, no concentration, no care for much, just emptiness, nothing really makes you happy, and tired beyond words.

For 2017

I am happy, vibrant, positive, calm, empowered, fit, flexible, healthy, a doer, courageous.I promise myself to:

Exercise daily be that the gym, running, yoga etc
To surf more

To try run more

To be more flexible

To focus more on being positive

To be more creative- make more videos, paint/draw, write

To eat no junk food, so no ice cream or chocolate or sweets especially

To take photos always

Have more adventures

I feel like 2017 is going to be my year! I’m going to seize the day.

No matter what puddles you come across find a way to get through them and enjoy life. Don’t keep living with things you don’t enjoy.

 

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